Train passenger N# 000134567
Friday 12 1924
A woman sat down next to me at the train station the other day.
She smelled like you.
The grotesquely beautiful smell of cigarettes covered with Chanel
Embellished my nostrils and worked the gears of my memory.
My mind took me places I have been before, with you.
The smell enveloped me, I wanted to turn and see you, but I was afraid.
I instead kept, my eyes glued to the newspaper in my hand:
“Economy falls into recession”
“Economy falls into recession”
“Economy falls into recession”
Getting past that sentence was impossible, you are a beautiful distraction
That remarkable smell is giving me a light buzz.
I can’t get past this sentence.
I can’t get past that smell.
Im taken to my past, our past.
I wanted to turn so bad, but I didn’t want to see you.
Because if I did, I would fall for you a thousand more times.
My heart pounded and stomach churned:
“Economy falls into recession”
I finally took some courage, turned to the right
As if to look at the clock above the ticket booth.
8:45 am, it wasn’t you.
Not even close, she was younger. Porcelain skin. Brown fur coat.
Red clutch in her hand. Red Lips. Blue eyes. Provocative skirt.
Bobbed hair covered in a small hat. Excessive jewelry.
We made eye contact, and she flashed a smile.
I didn’t.
“Economy falls into recession”
I felt connected to her, like if I had known her for years.
Like if I knew her name, where she was going and at what time her train would depart.
That smell.
I hated that smell, I hated when you smoked. Tar filled breath as I kissed you.
I didn’t have to kiss you.
I could have turned away; I could have rejected you all those times.
But I didn’t, I never did.
You were beautiful…you are beautiful.
“Economy falls into recession”
The girl stood up and left, I stared at my newspaper.
The sound of her heels hitting the tile as she walked thumped my ears.
The echo and rhythm of her footsteps spread throughout the station,
Mockingly.
The smell stayed behind, to keep me company for a while, and disappeared.
My vision: I see you, I see us,
My reality, I see words:
“Economy falls into recession”.
Memories came back, triggered by a stupid scent.
Memories that I had buried deep inside, you always found a way to get things out of me.
Damn that’s smell, damn that woman,. Damn my foolish heart.
I heard a steam whistle and knew it was time to board the train.
My thoughts still rushed through my head.
Blurs of trees and small cabins outside my window.
Blurs in my head
The two hour train ride seemed short.
You kept me entertained, my memories kept me awake.
Then it hit me. I panicked.
I was getting close; the train was finally reaching its destination.
My heart pounded, my stomach churned.
I got off at the next station. I had to get off.
I took a seat on a small bench at the station
One station away from the city, from my destination.
If you are reading this,
I never made it
I Never made it to your city.
I Never made it to your house.
I Never returned to your heart.
I’m sorry Elizabeth
